A look back at 2013

A Look Back at 2013

Around this time (January) last year I was taking a fond look back at the year that had just passed (2012). A lot of great things had happened and I was looking forward to 2013 delivering more of the same. Little did I know that a few days after I wrote my retrospect, I would get a phone call delivering some of the worst news I have ever received in my life. My nephew had taken his own life. I have never felt so blindsided, so absolutely punched in the gut, heart ripped out, devastated. My first instinct was to gather my 2 kids and go to my sister and her family to be with them as they absorbed this abomination. Within hours of hearing the news, my daughter and I were on a plane from LAX and my son was booked to fly from Portland to meet us in Kansas City the next morning. I am so glad that I listened to my instinct and I am so glad that I had the ability to do what I knew I had to do. I could not have been anywhere else that weekend.

          This year has been colored by the sadness of missing a person that was very, very important to me and the other people I love most in the world. The hardest thing to come to grips with is the speed with which life moves on. Every day, Caleb slips a little further away from us no matter what we try to do to hang on to him. I have pictures of him in several locations around my house so that I have a vivid reminder of what he looked like. I have heard that as years go by, you start to have trouble remembering the image of a lost loved one's face. I don't want that to happen. I have the book he wrote and a book of his poems on my nightstand. I have read them more than once and as they gather dust, I know I should put them away, but, again, I don't want to let go of any of the reminders I have of him in my life. I still have his phone number in my phone and his address in my phone book. Deleting and erasing feels like such a betrayal. I just can't do it yet.

One thing that I can count as good that has come out of this is that I think my sister, E. and I have become closer. We have certainly talked more this year than we had in many previous ones. I am so glad that she calls me when she needs to pour out her overflowing grief. I can only imagine how she feels and even the imagining is heartbreaking. I hope that I have been able to offer a little solace by listening. I hope that I have offered a little bit of comfort. I have come to understand that all she really needs me to do is be there to listen. And I have been so glad that I've been able to do it.

But now, to look at other events of 2013.

January and February were the continuation of one of the coldest winters I could remember, and it was made worse by the fact that our heater broke and it took us 5 months and several repairmen to get it replaced.

Vladi continued to work for Morrow Meadows and in January, renovation of Dodger Stadium began after it was purchased by Magic Johnson. Vladi was sent there and became a temporary foreman as he worked 7/12s (7 days a week, 12 hours a day). He did that for 3 months (with an occasional shorter shift and a couple of days off). Exhausting! We rented him a motel room so that he didn't have to make the 1-2 hour (depending on traffic) drive home every day. It was a fun adventure to meet him at the motel once a week for a little rendezvous. I would bring him food for the week and do his laundry for him. It broke up our routine for a little while. You have no idea how much I appreciated the warm room after coming from our freezing cold house. I'm just glad he had the stamina to survive that grueling schedule. Morrow Meadows kept Vladi working steadily and with lots of overtime for most of the rest of the year until the beginning of December (it always seems to happen in the winter) when their work slowed down too much and they laid everyone off. We were disappointed. Vladi was really hoping he could stay with that company for a few more years until he retires. but it was not to be.

During those first few months of the year Christy took on the task of painting our entrance hall. She is really getting good at painting walls. She and I decided on a beautiful warm yellow/orange color and over the course of a few weeks, little by little, she got it done. I was in charge of choosing the pictures and whatever decor to put up on the finished walls and although I've gotten some of it done, I still haven't completed that project. My bad.

In March, Christy had a memorable birthday celebration with Lael. It was a "Birthday Movie Night" and they rented a blow-up screen that we set up in the backyard and they rented equipment to project the movies on the screen. We watched "Princess Bride" and "Robin Hood, Men in Tights". Everyone brought their own food and ate picnic style on blankets and we served "movie snacks" like popcorn and cotton candy and other candy selections. It was a little chilly but we made hot chocolate and had a few fire pits going. It ended up being really fun and I want to apologize to my daughter for being somewhat skeptical about it and not being fully on board about hosting it. The girls pulled it off marvelously and I have to admit, it was fun and memorable. (And I really didn't have to do much work.)

On the last day of March, Vladi and I decided to go look at cars because I was considering giving Christy my Honda as a graduation present. As is typical for us, the first place we went, we found a car I really liked and we came home with it. I had wanted a car that got good gas mileage (top priority) and that had more space in it than my Honda did. We found the new model of Prius, the PriusV which has a very good reputation as far as gas mileage as well as having been around long enough to have worked the bugs out of the technology. And the new model is kind of like a station wagon.

 So, we thought we'd try leasing instead of buying and figure out if that works for us now and in the future. I transferred the Honda to Christy's name so that she didn't have to keep riding the bus to school and figuring out transportation to anywhere else she needed to go.

She had been a real trooper after her car died in getting herself where she needed to go and I was really proud of her resourcefulness but I didn't want that to be another thing she had to worry about in the logistics of her upcoming move from home and continuing her education.

In April, we lost our dear puppy, Samson. He developed problems in his hindquarters in which his control of them deteriorated rapidly over a 2-3 week period. The problems were beyond the vet's expertise and since Samson was 12 years old, we decided that we really couldn't afford to go to specialists to extend his life. We were very sad to lose him but he got a lovely sendoff from Christy and my son Ben's friends who came over and wheeled him around the neighborhood in a wheelbarrow the night before we put him to sleep. I will be forever grateful for their thoughtfulness that night.

In May, my precious daughter graduated from Moorpark college with two AAs. I'm inspired by the way she has persisted toward her goals after some setbacks and hardships in her life. She makes me very proud. I can't wait to see what the future holds for her. She also took over a nanny job from her friend, Emily. Emily was moving to Santa Barbara to explore new opportunities in her life and the family that she nannied for needed someone to take her place. She recommended Christy and they worked together a few times so that Christy could get a feel for it. When Christy started the job the Healys had one five year old girl and an 18 month old boy. The mom (also Christy) was about ready to deliver her third baby. For a girl who had very little experience with babies, the challenge for Christy was pretty great. But she dove in and after a pretty short adjustment period, she took to the job like a duck to water. She has shown herself to be a natural at managing three kids and the other tasks that she's expected to perform in her roll as nanny. And the Healys have provided a warm, accepting, encouraging environment for her. They even had her move in with them when she had some difficulty finding a place to live at the time when we had agreed for her to move out. She has made herself an invaluable member of their household.

In June, the avocado tree that we planted in 2010, started producing it's first real crop.

It took a little while for them to be a good size to pick but we harvested about 40 avocados. And I was thrilled to learn that they stay green as long as they are on the tree and don't begin to ripen until you pick them. That means that we were able to eat almost all of our avocados.

.

At the end of June, Vladi and I went to Hearst Castle with our friends, Ralph and Janeen.  Vladi and I had never visited it and it had been many years since Ralph and Janeen had. Unfortunately, it was VERY hot that weekend (upper 90's to over 100 degrees) and there is no air conditioning in the castle (just fans) so our visit probably wasn't the most ideal, but we did enjoy learning about the history and seeing the amazing views. While we were in the area, we also visited Morro Bay, and had a lovely meal looking out over the harbor. We took a boat tour of the harbor and viewed the seals and sea lions. One night we also visited a hot tub resort that Ralph and Janeen knew about. We didn't get any pictures of all 4 of us together but here are a couple we took when we walked along the beach in Carmel.

July brought us the most wonderful occurrence of 2013. Which was the birth of a Mr. Jack Richard Roemer. This is Jessica and John's 2nd baby and Rylee's baby brother.

This is the happy new configuration of the John Roemer family.

 Jack is holding a ring that Caleb used to wear that is now worn on a string around Rick's neck. It was a precious symbolic moment linking the past and present with great hope for the future.

These are the happy gammy and gampa.

In August  we went to Newport Harbor to attend the wedding of Blake and Brandi Behringer. We have watched the courtship of this young couple over the course of several years now and we were very happy to see it culminate in a lovely wedding. It was also great fun to attend a wedding on a boat cruising the harbor.

 Also in August, I finally "came out of the closet." I had used a large closet in our entry hall as my office for many years. It was the perfect size for a computer desk and it worked pretty well, but it always bothered Vladi that I didn't have a real office. So when Christy moved out, we finally had a room where I could have a real office and I started thinking about what kind of desk I wanted. We looked around for several weeks and I kept coming back to a desk I saw at a store called PTS that is pretty overpriced but I just couldn't find anything I really liked anywhere else. And I figured, I might as well get a desk I really loved. I would be spending a lot of time at it. And Vladi, as usual, wanted me to be happy, so he told me I should have what I wanted. (I love that man!) So we bought my beautiful L-shaped desk to put in my office.  And now our hall closet is back to it's proper function.

I'm still setting up my office the way I want it but it is very lovely to be out of the hallway.

In September I was able to visit Ben in Portland. I went by myself (Christy visited him by herself in August) and it was the first time I had seen the place he's lived for a year and a half. I had a really nice visit with him which included meeting his lady love, Annie.

 We had some great conversations and Ben showed me around Portland, including his school, Portland State University and the Whole Foods Market where he works. He also took me to Powell's City of Books which is the largest book store in the US. One day he let me wander around Powell's by myself and I was in heaven. I could happily get lost in that place! We played a few games of Settlers of Catan, which is simply a given any time we're together lately. We both love that game! And Ben cooked me some fine meals. He and Annie have collaborated on a fish taco recipe which is now called Benannie's Fish Tacos. It is absolutely wonderful! They use a Nappa Cabbage Leaf as the shell and then layer it with fish cooked in taco seasoning, a yogurt dip from Trader Joe's, fresh salsa, avocado, cilantro, mango and pepper jack cheese. I could not believe how delicious it was. He also cooked a breakfast of Applewood Smoked Bacon, eggs and kale. And he cooked everything perfectly! I learned what to do with Kale so that it actually tastes good and does not have all the toughness to it. You simply peel the tender part of the leaf off the tough spine. I never knew that! I am so proud of the way he eats so healthy. And I am so happy to see the loving relationship that he and Annie are developing. I hope she's the one for him to spend his life with. She's a keeper.

When I got home from that trip Vladi and I decided to join Weight Watchers. We both have the desire to lose weight and eat healthier as we get older. We want to be able to enjoy our retirement, which means we probably have to curtail some of our bad habits. I was also inspired by my friend Tracy B. who lost 30 pounds by doing the Weight Watchers program. I saw how great she looked when I saw her on 9/15 and we signed up on 9/18. We were very gung-ho at first and got all the tools and went to all the meetings. After a couple of months, Vladi had lost 20 pounds and I lost 12. But then Vladi got laid off and we couldn't really afford the monthly fee. We figured that we had learned a lot about what to eat and not eat so we decided to just do it on our own and maybe rejoin after he goes back to work. Of course, this was right around the holidays and there are so many opportunities to eat stuff you shouldn't at that time of year. I find myself slipping into bad habits again, although I have actually maintained my original loss. I just haven't lost any more. Vladi hasn't weighed himself in awhile and for him, the biggest drawback of not working is that he doesn't maintain the activity level that he sustains at work. When he's working, he's burning those calories! So our plan is to go back on the program as soon as he has steady income again. And to not completely backslide before that.

In October Christy ran a 5K called "The Color Run" with Christy Healy and her friend Liz. I came along to take pictures and offer support and I had way more fun than I expected to.

You probably can't tell from the picture but the color run is all about this colored cornstarch that gets thrown around at every opportunity. Basically, the runners are pretty much covered by it at the end of the day. Christy did a great job getting ready for this race and I am so glad that I went with her. After the girls ran, we went up the road and had fish tacos at a place on the pier. So good!

We celebrated Vladi's birthday by inviting our closest friends: Cher and Richard, Janeen and Ralph and Mary Jo and Ron to join us at BJs restaraunt. Christy joined us as well and we had a fun evening.

Mary Jo and Ron threw a great Halloween party (as they do every year) and this time, Vladi and I really dressed up. I decided to find some kind of costume about 2 hours before the party started and I thought of a box I have out in the garage that has costume stuff from years past, mostly if not all from the kids. I pulled out a kangaroo costume that Christy's friend's mom made her in the sixth grade. The body of the costume is just a sweat outfit that was dyed brown and had a "pouch" sewed to the front and a tail sewn to the back. Then there was a headpiece with ears. I tried it on and was quite surprised that it fit. Then I had to figure out something for Vladi. He is such a good sport that he was pretty much willing to wear anything. So I had a bunny ear headband and I fashioned a fluffy bunny tail out of a white scarf I have and he wore one of his white shirts. We also used some face paint for our noses and whiskers. I'm glad Christy was here, because she knew just how to make us look right.

The day after this party, we added a new member to our family.

We named her Zuli in honor of her blue eye. Azul means blue in Spanish and Lapis Lazuli is a blue stone. It was Christy's idea. Vladi and I thought it was perfect.

November was pretty much consumed by our learning how to raise a dog properly. We consumed (and continue to consume) as many episodes of The Dog Whisperer as possible, and we are trying to put all of Cesar Millan's  theories into practice. I realized that I made a lot of mistakes with Samson and I don't want to repeat them with this little girl. So "rules, boundaries, limitations," "nose, eyes, ears," "exercise, discipline, affection," and "no touch, no talk, no eye contact," have become our new mantras. But it is so much harder to learn how to have "calm assertive energy" and make your dog have "calm submissive energy" than you would think by watching this show. But we're learning. And hopefully we'll end up with a well-adjusted, balanced dog. It really makes me happy that Vladi is on board with learning this stuff along with me.

And finally, December. Although Vladi got laid off on 12/8, it has been nice for him to be able to be home with Zuli. I hated leaving her by herself when we were both getting up at 4 in the morning and going to work all day. I know the time will come when we'll be doing it again, but while she's so young, I'm glad she's not alone for so many hours every day.

The holiday season was pretty stressful at work, but I got through it alright.

As for Christmas and the process of regaining the Christmas spirit, this year, I made a date with Christy to make Christmas cookies. It ended up being a 2 or 3 day process but that was completely okay and we really enjoyed our time together. We made a new confection--"cake balls" that came out really good and we shared a lot of laughs as we decorated them. We had our eggs benedict on Christmas morning with the Heatons. It was a low key kind of season and that was just fine.
And in the very last hour of the year, as we were waiting for the ball in Times Square to drop, we got a most wonderful phone call from Olya, letting Vladi know that about midway into 2014, he's going to be a grandpa for the first time! Yay for 2014!!!

So goodbye to 2013. And here's knowing that 2014 has good things in store. . .