Continued musings on faith. . .

Part 2                                                   March 8, 2015

Dear Maureen,

To continue my response to your letter of March 1st . . .

So I gave you a little history of my religious experience. I have a rather hard time discussing religion with anyone because I don't really know what I believe. (Even that is hard for me to admit. I feel like I should have a handle on SOMETHING I believe.) Sometimes I really don't think there is a God at all or anything beyond the grave. That we are here on this earth for a short time and the only thing that lives on after we're gone is our memory in the hearts of those who love us unless we do something noteworthy enough to be remembered by others.

But then there are other times when I long to believe that there is a God who cares about me and those that I love. It seems to me that people who have faith that God is involved with their life can point to much evidence that this is true. (And I'm talking about convincing evidence.) I guess I even believed it was true in my own life when I was trying to "walk the walk" of faith.

I guess I really can't completely abandon a belief that there is a God. The theory of evolution, though possibly plausible in some instances, does not seem to account for the second law of thermo-dynamics (I think I learned about that in a Bible study) which postulates that physical things tend to deteriorate rather than improve over time. I would say that my experience bears witness to that. I don't think something as complex as the myriad forms of life on earth could have developed out of nothing. That somehow, life evolved from slime. I find the idea of a creator to be more acceptable than any other theory or explanation. So I guess I can say I do believe that God is the creator. And that God is love. So, yes, God brought me Vladi.

I see much value in trying to live the way you believe that God wants you to live. But I've always had a problem with saying that my faith (when I had one) is "the only true" faith or the only path to God. And I suppose that is where the trouble lies. There are SO MANY different ways to believe in God. And I have a few Christian friends whom I respect very much that believe that if someone doesn't believe the way they do they are going to hell. I hesitate to tell them that if they're right, I must be going there.

Is there a heaven and hell?

I suppose that I want to believe there is. But I want to believe, too, that everyone I love or loved is going or has gone to heaven and that the only people that deserve to go to hell are . . . well, evil people. But then the question is, who decides what's evil and where do the lines get drawn?

Too many questions. And I have not found satisfying answers in any religious tradition.

I like to think about a life after death that allows us to be with people that we've lost over the years. I'd especially like to meet my mother. I'd like my kids to be able to talk to their dad in a place where he doesn't have to fight the demons of his mental illness any longer. I want to see my nephew again, and my friend Denise and I can think of so many others that have preceded me in death. I know my idea of heaven is unrealistic. I'm sure there is no religious tradition that teaches the heaven I've described. So it's easier for me to push it to the back of my mind and not deal with it.

I keep straying from talking about the things you said in your letter. I like so much of the things that you say. And from other posts that you've shared,  I understand that you don't buy in to all the things that the Catholic church teaches. I really like Pope Francis. He embodies the beliefs that I share.

You say that the message is Love. I agree. The philosophy, the disagreement, the nuance of what we believe is fluid. If we could all just talk to each other and not polarize our opinions, we might find that we all have more in common than we realize. Maureen, I respect you more than you probably know. I want to know you better. I so hope that we get a chance very soon to sit down and talk together. You have helped me to move past some of my anger and pain that I've held on to from the past. You've already helped me to remember good things that I'd forgotten. I look forward to exploring more. . .