women I admire . . .

Yesterday, I found myself thinking about women who inspire me and why. The women I was thinking about were women that I know, rather than public figures or celebrities or even religious leaders because I believe that unless we know a person personally, the image we have of them is probably not who they really are. Everyone has many elements to their personality--everyone has qualities to admire as well as faults. But there are a few people in my life that I really admire and in some ways that I wish I could be more like. As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that I am who I am, and that there are things about myself that I can't really change as much as I might want to. I also realize that some of the things that drive me crazy in other people are possibly things that I see in myself that I don't like.

Anyway, I want to list at least some of the women that I admire for qualities that I may never have but on the flipside, I will also list something I see in them that I consider a fault. (And those faults may very well be my own as well. Or maybe they are qualities I wish I had?)

 My sister, E -- She has a playfulness and joy about her that has defied her circumstances almost her entire life. Anyone who spends any amount of time with her comes away feeling that she is their friend. And she is.

BUT - She is self-deprecating to a fault.

How these 2 qualities can exist so strongly within one person is an enigma.

My Aunt D-- She lives across the country from me but I spent enough time with her over the years that I feel like I know her well enough to put her on this list. Aunt D is another person who radiates joy. She has a great sense of humor and is beautiful because her joy shows in the lines of her face. I have often said that I want the wrinkles I develop as I get older to be more laugh lines than worry lines. For that, I emulate my Aunt D.

BUT - She has some prejudices that I find hurtful.

  

 My friend from work -- T.C. I think all the women I admire have this quality of charisma and joy that eludes me in my own personality. T is also that kind of person. She cares. Her heart goes out to anyone she knows who might be in trouble and she always thinks of just the right thing to do to help them out. It might be in a seemingly small way, but it is always meaningful. She also has a ton of energy and when she sets her mind to get something done, her determination is relentless.

BUT - She has very strong opinions about certain things and I fear that she will lose respect for me if I voice disagreement. And sometimes I think she's generous to a fault.

My friend of 20 years, C.H.-- Another woman who has a deep joy within her, although it has seemed to be tempered a bit over the years by worry and adverse circumstance. C has a heart of service. She is always seeking to live her faith and put others needs ahead of her own. She is one of the kindest people I know and, like my sister, has countless friends because she makes those around her feel loved. She is also fun to be around.

BUT - She works so hard that I think she's wearing herself down. Her work ethic intimidates me. I could not do what she does, and, frankly, I wouldn't want to.

My cousin- W.M. I guess I'm violating my own rules by putting her on my list because unfortunately, I haven't spent much time with my cousin W. I've only actually gotten to see her in person twice. One time was over 30 years ago when, as a teenager I visited my relatives across the country. W was then a new mom of twins but I remember hitting it off with her (for one thing because one of her twins had the same name as me and though she didn't know it one of my dreams was to have lots of kids--including boy/girl twins) because we both enjoyed writing. We wrote letters to each other a few times but, of course, she was busy with her family so the correspondence gradually stopped. But then I met her a second time at a family reunion a few years ago and we became facebook friends. I so admire the relationship that W has with her family. After all these years, she and her husband still adore each other and the things that she and her kids write back and forth to each other are great fun and full of love. Also, a big thing I admire is W's commitment to an organization she and her friend started called "A Lasting World." She also participates in a camp in Appalachia for underprivileged kids there. Basically, she's living the life I dreamed of. Now, because I'm so far away, I know there are things I don't know about and I realize that I'm making my judgments based on facebook posts and my own imagination, but I still admire her.

BUT - Well, see, that's what I mean. I don't know her well enough to know her faults. . .

For now, I'm going to stop with these 5.

More later.